Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.