she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.