She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?