i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.