I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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