Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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