i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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