I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize