So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His nipple licking is glorious
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