There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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