I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
