After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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