I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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