I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize