Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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