Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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