speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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