I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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