He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
