I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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