her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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