i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Im part way to drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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