doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
