why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
