i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
