i was born a porn star she said
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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