Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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