I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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