If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize