dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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