butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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