I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
