remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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