my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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