Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
