Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
