you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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