Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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