You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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