There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
