So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
