I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
