Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
