Me too!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
