I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I FOUND THE LEGS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
