I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
