I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
