If i come over, it means nothing
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
