So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
