DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
