Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
