For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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