I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
