so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
