Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?