I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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