Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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(314): So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes. http://tfl.nu/wpyi

Replies (5) Good night (778) Bad night (2265)
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(718): View more from New York

you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

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(718): you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out http://tfl.nu/3q0w

Replies (18) Good night (5380) Bad night (972)
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(585): View more from New York

we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

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(585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m

Replies (19) Good night (6942) Bad night (764)
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(231): View more from Michigan

You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.

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(231): You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me. http://tfl.nu/n997

Replies (15) Good night (4743) Bad night (1154)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

(423): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

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(814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb

Replies (24) Good night (9620) Bad night (1410)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine

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(412): a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine http://tfl.nu/k37h

Replies (12) Good night (3606) Bad night (983)
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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.

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(813): The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth. http://tfl.nu/4ea8

Replies (5) Good night (2088) Bad night (1293)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.

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(843): The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year. http://tfl.nu/r78b

Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (622)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

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(605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz

Replies (5) Good night (2498) Bad night (1320)
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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k

Replies (5) Good night (2609) Bad night (737)
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(434): View more from Virginia

This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.

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(434): This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened. http://tfl.nu/f3s1

Replies (4) Good night (2302) Bad night (1213)
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(253): View more from Washington

We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.

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(253): We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch. http://tfl.nu/tp65

Replies (42) Good night (3834) Bad night (741)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.

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(810): Two word: claymation porn. Think about it. (1-810): I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me. http://tfl.nu/emwe

Replies (8) Good night (1878) Bad night (676)
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(818): View more from California

Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.

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(818): Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC. http://tfl.nu/yps0

Replies (9) Good night (2089) Bad night (500)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.

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(267): He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry. http://tfl.nu/z2cw

Replies (2) Good night (200) Bad night (307)

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