Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved