The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
