i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.