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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.

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• (+10): View more from

  I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays

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• (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Ugh he's texting me.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.

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• (475): View more from Connecticut

  So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for

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• (310): View more from California

  Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?

  (951): View more from California

  You told me to go grocery shopping.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.

  (585): View more from New York

  How long will your dick be dry?

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