There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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