I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
